23 Jul Rookie Mom: Be gentle with yourself
A tool used by life coaches to help one get to solutions to problems one faces, is to write a letter to oneself giving advice as if it was for someone else…
I know you have been struggling with a few changes that come with being a new mommy, namely – the emotional roller-coaster, slow weight loss and general fear of being a new mommy. I know this life altering experience called motherhood has turned your world upside down and made you lose yourself.
I would say, yes, you have lost that version of yourself forever, but you have evolved and are still evolving into this new version of yourself – it’s somewhere between who you used to be and who you are meant to be, it goes beyond being just a mother.
If I could use an analogy, I would say you have found another layer to yourself like that of an onion. I do feel your emotional ups and downs have much to do with the emotional and psychological tug-of-war you are playing with yourself trying to cling to your old way of life while trying to cope with life as it is now. I am here to tell you the two can never co-exist as they are – you will have to find a new way in which to define yourself – because it’s not just as a career woman, wife and mother.
I would say, stop fighting this change, let go a little bit and let things evolve as it wants to and you never know – it could be better than you could ever have imagined. Find a new rhythm, find a new normal.
This applies to your body as well, you are a warrior woman now – you have literally and figuratively earned your stripes as a woman, you have put your body through an incredible experience and it has never let you down and resulted into the creation of this beautiful human being who is healthy and thriving.
Be gentle with yourself, give your body time to heal and find itself again in this life changing experience. Do not give into social pressures and self-imposed pressure and let your body lead the way. Do what you need to do, but it’s unfair to put unrealistic deadlines and expectations on yourself that just cause more emotional turmoil. All in good time.
As for the fear that comes with being a mother – I think you need to remember, humans innately fear what they do not know – you know very little about being a mother, so it’s natural to fear this new journey. Let me tell you right here and now, you will make mistakes, I think the best thing to do is to acknowledge them when they happen, learn from them and move on.
What no one tells you is that, the rate at which your love increases for your child is directly proportionate to the level of fear you feel for any harm coming to your child. I know you want to protect Esa from everything that could harm him, and that’s a primal instinct that every living being has for their young, and you will do your best at doing this, but you cannot protect him from everything. I think thinking about everything that could go wrong is enough to overwhelm anyone – focus on taking on one day at a time and being the best mom you can be for that day – it’ll be more manageable like that.
Be gentle with yourself – this will take some time to get used to, you WILL get the hang of it in due time. Change is uncomfortable, but you will come out on the other side stronger than you used to be.
Happy Health Fabulous
Photography: Hemisha Bhana