This is the second part in our Self-Love Series and we delve deeper into why realising self-love is an integral part to success in those five key areas of our lives – health, relationships, career, finances and personal development. You’ll remember that you had to give yourself a score from 1-10 for each of these areas. What you scored lowest in are probably the areas of your life that needs some addressing.
So in this second installment in the series we look at why self-love is a powerful tool to improve any area of your development. Louise Hay was a world renowned life coach and one of her most well known published works is “You Can Heal Your Life” – one of her key philosophies was, “When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.”
So, the obvious area we all immediately hone in on is ‘health’ when we think of ‘self-love’ or lack thereof. Most personal trainers will emphasise this one area, if someone is overweight or even grossly underweight and unhealthy – the trainer would say there is a definite lack of self-love. They would not be wrong in this assumption. However, if you are lacking or struggling in those other four areas of your life that we mentioned above – it could still boil down to lack of self-love.
This is why this process was so interesting and eye opening for me, health wise, I take care of myself very well, better than most people, so I thought, I was doing well. I cannot possibly be lacking in self-love, but after examining those other four areas, I quickly realised there were areas of my life that I was neglecting or struggling with.
In Louise’s book, she also identifies some of the ways we show that we don’t love ourselves:
- We scold and criticize ourselves endlessly
- We mistreat our bodies with food, alcohol and drugs.
- We choose to believe we are unlovable.
- We are afraid to charge a decent price for our services
- We create illnesses and pain in our bodies.
- We procrastinate on things that would benefit us. (This is a BIG one for me!)
- We live in chaos and disorder
- We create debt and burdens
- We attract lovers and mates who belittle us.
If any or all of these statements resonated with you – you definitely have areas of lack of self-love.
How we further damage our self-love is the constant negative thoughts we feed ourselves from the second we wake up. How many of us wake up and what is your first thought, *sigh* “I am so tired, agh, I have work today, it’s Monday…blah blah blah, “ and so it continues all day – we get ready for work, we look in the mirror and self criticism continues. This needs to STOP now!
Stop all self-criticism – The way to start rewiring our mind is to stop this endless negative thought process that is essentially chipping away at our self-love and self-esteem. We must stop negative thoughts dead in their tracks. Become aware of all your thoughts. The minute your mind wants to criticize you or someone else, literally just say ‘stop’ and try and turn the thought into a positive one.
Eg. “Agh, its Monday today, why do I have to go to work, I don’t feel like it.” Rather turn that around into an affirmation of gratitude, “Wow, Monday, a fresh new start to an exciting week filled with new possibilities. I am so grateful for the ability to go to work and earn a living.”
My first experience using this tool was not easy. I found it hard to turn my thoughts around, I also realised once I was aware of my thoughts, how often I was feeding myself negative thoughts. But after a few days of trying this tool, I felt a lightness in spirit, I was happier and my daily tasks did not seem so arduous.
So what does our resident expert have to say on this…
“How does one love themselves? The practical approach to personal development, in my opinion, is the most effective. We can talk theoretically about self-love, but until the rubber hits the road, or shall we say, the loves hits the self, we won’t experience any tangible change.
So, in this post, your first practical tool to self-love is a mental tool. Working at the thought level, I want you to stop all self-criticism. Self-criticism is a weapon of the unloved self. It signals to you that no matter what you do, you are never good enough. So, put down the stick you’ve been abusing yourself with and stop all self-criticism NOW!”
Let us leave you with this quote:
“Of all the people on the planet, you talk to yourself more than anyone. Make sure you’re saying the right things.”
Happy Healthy Fabulous
Simone Naidoo is the founder and CEO of ‘On Purpose Personal Development’. Her approach to personal development is holistic (IQ & EQ) and as such she is a Life Coach & Inspirational Speaker; Herbalife wellness coach and runs workshops and seminars. Her company’s mission is to help people do their life’s most important work: Figuring out who you are and what your purpose is.
If you would like to get in touch with Simone Naidoo, a qualified life coach, visit her website : www.on-purpose.co.za
Photography: Main picture – Hemisha Bhana
Picture of Simone Naidoo – supplied