17 Nov The Preggie Diaries: The emotional roller coaster
I am 20 weeks into my pregnancy and 9 kilos heavier. Baby is growing beautifully. I know I don’t usually post so late in the week, but I wanted to post after I had gone for my 20 week check-up and share that with all of you.
Baby is 350grams and already rather feisty. I have begun to feel his movements in the form of flutters or bubbles popping in my uterus. At first, I thought it was just indigestion, but after a while I realised it was him and the doctor confirmed that at 20 weeks one starts to feel one’s baby move.
I always thought this would freak me out, but it’s so special and at this stage, it’s not hard enough for anyone else to feel by putting their hand on one’s tummy. So, unfortunately, for excited daddys – they’ll have to wait a little while longer. This is mommy-baby exclusive bonding time!
So that’s the good stuff.
Here comes the not so good stuff. I have progressively become a blubbering mess. I have started crying at the drop of a hat. Even at work at random times. Now, in the particular line of work I am in – it’s not ideal for my make-up to run, or suddenly feel like balling while on air and multiple cameras pointing at me.
What is causing these emotional ‘outbursts’ so to speak? – Oh nothing and everything. It could be a soppy article I read online, the thought of how much weight I’ve gained, the guilt of having eaten something really indulgent or just the idea that I am busy growing a life inside me that I have no idea what I will do with or teach once it arrives. It’s an emotional roller-coaster that no one can prepare you for. Even if you talk to women that have been there, it’s never the same for everyone.
My doctor says it’s completely normal, after I asked whether he gets lots of women bursting into tears in his office, like I just did. My trigger this time was telling him that I had eaten a slice of chocolate cake the night before (just for the record, I shared it actually) – I couldn’t handle the guilt of it all. In my case, I am struggling with the physical changes the pregnancy is having on my body and the way the pregnancy has rocked my ‘routine boat’. I don’t eat or train the way I used to and it has been a difficult adjustment for me, one I continue to struggle with.
As my doctor’s appointment came to a close I stepped on the scale and found out the ‘bad’ news of my weight gain and then here is the kicker – my doctor says, women (like me) who are smaller (lighter) at the time of pregnancy tend to gain more weight during pregnancy than that of an already overweight woman. So, my whole theory of losing weight before I fell pregnant so I start at a lower base weight when I do fall pregnant was shot to hell in one second. Great…just great!
20 weeks down and 20 weeks left to go. Stay with me ladies – I’m in for the emotional roller coaster ride of my life! All aboard!
Happy Healthy Fabulous
Photography: Hemisha Bhana