As the time grows shorter and shorter till we meet our little boy, I can’t help but wonder what kind of mother I will be. I speak all the time to my friends who are already moms and think about the women in my life like my mom and aunts that I grew up with seeing them in mother hood, I have had various examples of mothers.
I am under no illusions that no one is perfect least of all me and everyone will make mistakes in trying to be the best mom they can be. When I first thought about the kind of mom I wanted to be I remembered Regina George’s mom on ‘Mean Girls’ saying, “I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom,” and I was like, yes, I want to be a ‘cool’ mom! Who doesn’t right? But my rational side quickly kicked in and reminded me that in order to be a ‘good’ mom, I won’t always be seen as ‘cool’ in my child’s eyes. Parenting, much like being a good leader comes with making tough decisions sometimes ones that may not necessarily be understood or liked at the time by your child.
So the following may be idealistic, but this is so far, what my vision of me as a mom looks like:
1. I want to be patient – even when work and perhaps ‘adulting’ gets to me, I want to always be able to dig deep and find some patience with my son, so that he never feels the stress of my life or feels neglected due to whatever is happening on my end.
2. I want to be open minded – I feel like due to my profession as a journalist, I have had the privilege of being exposed to all sorts of people from all walks of life and this has really opened my eyes to all the diversity in every sense of the word that is out there, I would like to practise that same level of understanding and open mindedness with my son so that he never feels afraid to come to me with any topic or issue that is bothering him.
3. I want to be adventurous – Unlike my husband, I have a far more adventurous nature and as I’ve gotten older it has not left me. I surf, snowboard, have solo skydived, shark cage dived, crocodile cage dived (yes, that’s a thing) and love doing obstacle course racing. I want my son to experience all of that, if it’s with me – that would be even better! I have this vision of us surfing together – that would really make my life if my son fell in love with it as much as I have. I want us finding something that we both love and bond on that level together.
4. I want to be able to be honest – I feel the previous generation of parents and those before them believed that they needed to never show weakness to their kids and never admit fault on their part, no matter what. I don’t agree with this and if I think back to me as a child, once you start noticing this in your parents, you tend to resent them for lying to you and not just being honest. I want to be emotionally intelligent enough to admit when I am wrong to my son, apologise and find a healthy way in which to move forward.
5. I want to protect but not suffocate him – I think this was one of the very first thoughts that crossed my mind when I found out I was pregnant, and something I pray for first and foremost before I even pray for myself these days – “Dear God, protect my baby, keep my baby safe.” I am sure I’ll never stop making this prayer for as long as I live, I am sure no mother ever does. The thought of this pure soul, coming into this highly flawed world, is terrifying and my first instinct even when he was but a foetus was “I need to protect him”. But as your child grows up in this world, one has to strike a balance between protecting them and not suffocating them to the point where one stifles their growth as people. This is probably going to be the hardest part of being a mom of all.
So this is what I have thus far, it’s still something I think about all the time and the list evolves every day. I guess, as the reality sets in more and more that I will be helping to mould a new human being, I realise that this will probably be the biggest task I will undertake in my entire life and should not be taken lightly.
Happy Healthy Fabulous
Photography: Tegan Smith